Vintage k’nocker in the State of Illinois

There are times when no language in the universe is as beautifully, and as bluntly, apt as the fabled mama loshen — Yiddish, of course.

This week, upon hearing news of the formidable list of corruption allegations leveled by federal authorities against Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, our first post-gasp response was to reach for Leo Rosten’s always wise The Joys of Yiddish.

Good move, if we don’t say so ourselves.

To paraphrase the poet, let us count the ways in which Yiddish provides perfect aphorisms on the subject in question (all the while keeping in mind, of course, that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, including the governor):

Gonif — Rosten provides several definitions for this trusty old standby, only one of which is the obvious “thief.” Since we can’t establish at this point that Governor Blagojevich actually took anything, we’ll settle for a couple of lesser definitions, such as “a shady, tricky character it would be wise not to trust.”

Oh, and this one fits the bill rather nicely, too: [An individual it would be wise] “to watch every minute he’s in the store.”

K’nocker — This denotes a big shot, “who knows it and acts that way,” a “show-off” and “a boastful, cocky, self-advertising fellow.”

Check out any number of the mind-blowing quotes the FBI attributed to Blagojevich this week, and see how perfect these definitions are. When a reporter asked him about the investigation, referring to the governor as being “under a cloud of suspicion,” the governor responded that there was nothing over his head but sunshine.

Vintage k’nocker.

Schlemiel and schlimazel — Among the all-time classics of Yiddish, these words are often used interchangeably, but Rosten points out that they really are quite distinct.

“A schlemiel,” he writes, “is a man who is always spilling hot soup down the neck of a schlimazel.”

Since Blagojevich can fairly be said to have spilled metaphorical hot soup down his own neck, he is one of those rare individuals who qualifies for both titles.

Chutzpadik — One who regularly practices chutzpah, the unique quality defined thusly by Rosten: “A man who, after having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.”

More appropriate, in the governor’s case: “A chutzpadik may be defined as the man who shouts ‘Help! Help!’ while beating you up.”

In our own humble opinion, after only a hasty perusal of the charges against Blagojevich, we are ready to submit his photograph to Webster’s Dictionary to accompany its definition of chutzpah.

Meshuggener — Basically, a crazy man.

Think about it. Here’s a Senate seat just vacated by the man who was elected to the US presidency in an election that attracted the most attention in decades, and this guy thinks he can put it up for sale?

Pardon us . . . this meshuggener thinks he can put it up for sale?

Oy!