My friend Karen told me about an incident that happened to her recently which really hurt and angered her. It started out as a harmless Sunday morning junket to some local yards sales with a friend, who, after some serious haggling, purchased a table and chairs for under $100.
Boy, I really Jewed them down, didnt I? her friend exclaimed proudly.
Karens reaction was immediate and visceral she was horrified and sickened, stunned into silence as an ocean of mixed emotions flooded through her.
How should she react? Should she get angry at her friend for her racist and insensitive remark? Should she just let it pass as an ignorant comment and assume her friend meant no harm? Would she make it worse if she said something? Could she afford not to?
I understood exactly how Karen felt because I encountered a similar situation several years ago with a non-Jewish friend who didnt have a clue that she had said something totally offensive to me. When I told her how I felt, she was shocked at my reaction.
But I thought Jewed was a verb, my friend answered innocently. Its just a saying anyway, and you shouldnt take it personally, she added.
Yeah, right, and your mother wears army boots, I thought to myself.
Ethnic stereotyping is most often recognized by its negative, mean-spirited and hateful misconceptions about a culture, race, religion or group in society.
Stereotyping is a way to dehumanize people and the values they stand for or believe in. Grounded in bigotry, prejudice and narrow-mindedness, it serves to create a scapegoat for problems in society and a vent for jealousy, frustration and anger. It can be overt, like Hitlers depiction of the Jews as big-nosed, cunning and money-swindling or covert, like some of the media images that denigrate women who are not models.
The primary way to fight stereotypes is to refrain from stereotyping ourselves. If we become mindful of how we label others who come from different backgrounds and cultures, if we avoid making generalizations about ethnic groups based on false assumptions or faulty reasoning, then we can take the lead in reducing the negative effect that stereotyping has on all of humanity.
This injunction applies not only to those outside of the Jewish tradition, but to those within it as well.
As Jews, we must take care not to stereotype Orthodox Jews if we follow Conservative or Reform traditions. We must not disparage politically conservative Jews who support Republican causes if we are liberal Democrats. For each time we make hurtful statements about others, we say more about ourselves than about those whom we are stereotyping.
We have an obligation to do several things when we encounter negative stereotyping, either about others or ourselves. If, like Karen, we find ourselves on the receiving end of a Jewish stereotype, it is our duty to inform the speaker that what they are doing is hurtful, wrong and based on intolerance and discrimination rather than fact. How we respond is critical for three reasons. First, it lets others know that their actions are offensive. Second, it provides us with an opportunity to explain more about Judaism and the Jewish people and correct misconceptions that might exist. And third, it gives us a chance to engage in building meaningful and honest relationships, which is the best way to fight stereotypes. One by one, person to person, we can destroy misconceptions that have no basis in fact.
We also have an obligation to avoid making insensitive and hurtful comments. Statements such as I was gypped or that a friend turned out to be an Indian giver is offensive to Gypsies and Native Americans no less than being Jewed down is offensive to Jews.
Ill admit that I have never quite felt the same about my friend who said she Jewed someone down. Even though I have tried to forgive and forget, there is something within me that holds back, and I have become more cautious with her. Perhaps that is because I know that behind her seemingly innocuous statement lies a kernel of what she believes to be the truth.
Words, like soldiers, trample us and kill our spirit. I use my own hurt as a reminder not to speak hurtful or hateful words to or about others.
