They said, I said

They said: “Wealth is a great test.”

I said: “Test me.”

They said: “For the want of a nail, the kingdom was lost.”

I said: “The St. Louis Cardinals’ Tony LaRussa got the message.”

They said: “I am very proud of America’s success in convincing Qaddafi to become a decent citizen of the global community.”

I said: “If Tom Lantos, who said Qaddafi became decent, were still alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.”

They said: “We got 1,027 Palestinian prisoners for Gilad Shalit. We won!”

I said: “For holding Shalit, you got Israel so mad it beat you up in a big war, Dec., 2009-Jan., 2010. You lost!”

They said: “A European Union will stop European wars.”

I said: “But not European bankruptcies.”

They said: “There may be no greater tribute to Steve [Jobs’] success than the fact that much of the world learned of his passing on a device he invented.”

I said: “I read that in a newspaper.”

They said: “Occupy Wall Street.”

I said: “Occupy the Land of Israel.”

They said: “General Motors is forever.”

I said: “Don’t give eternity a bad name.”

They said: “The ‘Arab womb’ will overrun Israel.”

I said: “The Arab birth rate is dropping drastically.”

They said: “New energy economy . . . such as clean coal.”

I said: “Where?”

They said: “Rush hour becoming a moving experience.”

I said: “Where?”

They said: “Webcams can now spot which ads catch your gaze, read your mood and check your vital signs.”

I said: “1984.”

They said: “Cemeteries reincarnated? [i.e., now a good real estate investment]?”

I said: “Cease and desist.”

Copyright © 2011 by the Intermountain Jewish News