A Talmudic persona emblematic of teshuva, of repentance, is none other than Elazar ben Dordayah (tractate Avoda Zara 17b).
He was steeped in immorality. He fell to the depths of a sinful life.
Unlike most of us, this Elazar wasn’t simply flawed, sometimes making a human error or merely faltering. Rather, he was invested in sinning. He put all of his energies and efforts into sin. He pursued it.
In the Talmudic narrative we meet him in the throes of sin when he suddenly has a change of heart. He becomes frantic and desperate, struggling to repent. He tries to enlist the powers of nature to come to his defense and to help him repent.
All to no avail. Poignantly, only when he sits down defeated, surrendering with his head between his knees, a force of regret so strong overtakes him that from the depths he cries out, “It all depends on me!”
At that moment, Elazar ben Dordayah’s soul flew up, departing this earth, followed by a Heavenly echo piercing the air: “Rabbi [now he is referred to as Rabbi] Elazar ben Dordayah is worthy of life in the World to Come.”
Concluding this narrative is an epilogue. Rabbi Judah the Prince, belovedly known as “Rebbe,” wept and said: “There are those who earn eternal life in the World to Come after many years, and there are those who acquire eternal life in a single moment.”
Why did Rebbe weep? Was he marveling at the fact that here he is, toiling his whole life, endeavoring to live an ennobled life as a stop on the way to eternal life, only to see this sinner receive it by experiencing regret just once in his life?
No. Those were not the tears shed by Rebbe.
There are additional compelling narratives relating to Rebbe and the World to Come, beyond the scope of this column, in which he simultaneously experiences visceral anguish and enlightenment, and again declares that some people earn eternal life in a single moment (Avoda Zara 10b, 18a, Hagigah 15b and Hullin 7b). Why, then, did Rebbe weep for Rav Elazar ben Dordayah?
Because he was witness to the transformative power of one act. Of one moment. Sometimes a single act can change everything. And Rebbe saw that.
In that moment when Elazar ben Dordiayah put his head between his knees and cried out, undergoing a complete and total transformation, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, there was a convergence. A fundamental and qualitative change that came about as if with the force of a sledgehammer. In a sharp moment of truth, Elazar ben Dordayah saw the years of his sinful life of sin pass before him. He saw the mistake that his life choice was. He now understood and tasted his own strength — the force to be reckoned with that lived within him.
In this world, it was too late for Elazar ben Dordayah, but it was not too late for the World to Come. His soul flew up.
But what about this world? Rebbe witnessed an intimate and powerful surge of change, a complete turnaround within a human being.
Rebbe sensed that he was in the presence of a person endowed with great strengths. A person in the final moments of his life, still burning with so much inner strength, capable of pulling off such a deep transformation — where had this life gone?
Where did the years go?
Where was the world — colored by the greatness of Elazar ben Dordayah — that could have been built?
Rebbe was crying here about this world. Yes, Rav Elazar ben Dordayah was welcomed into the World to Come. But what about this world?
Precisely because of Elazar ben Dordiyah’s transformation, Rebbe wept.
Because he sensed the terrible loss of missed opportunities.
He sensed what what might have been.
He wept because he felt overwhelmed by the shame of it all.
Those were the tears of Rebbe.
This is why it said, “Bacha rebbe ve-amar, Rebbe wept and said.”
For a life of greatness that, he sensed, just slipped away.
Here we are, too, on the cusp of yet another Rosh Hashanah.
We are gifted with the opportunity of our annual reminder not to wait to make the changes in our lives only after it is too late.
Rebbe cried about what might have been.
We can still chart the course of what can still be.
Wishing you, dear readers, and the entire House of Israel, a shana tova u-metukah, a sweet and wonderful year!
May we all be inscribed together in the Book of Life.
Copyright © 2013 by the Intermountain Jewish News
