MY friend Karen told me about an incident that happened to her recently that really hurt her. It started out as a harmless Sunday morning junket to some local yards sales with a friend who, after some serious haggling, purchased a table and chairs for less than a hundred dollars.
Boy, I really Jewed them down, didnt I? her friend exclaimed proudly.
Karens reaction was immediate and visceral she was horrified, stunned into silence as an ocean of emotions flooded over her. How should she react? Should she let it pass as an ignorant comment and assume her friend meant no harm? Would she make it worse if she said something? Could she afford not to?
I understood exactly how Karen felt because I encountered a similar situation with a non-Jewish friend who didnt have a clue that what she said totally offended me. When I told her how I felt, she was shocked at my reaction.
But I thought Jewed was a verb, my friend answered innocently. Its just a saying anyway, and you shouldnt take it personally, she added.
How could I not take it personally? I thought to myself. Because words, like soldiers, march over us and damage our ability to trust.
Ethnic stereotyping often boils down to hateful or narrow-minded misconceptions about a culture, race, religion or group in society. Whether we realize it or not, its a way to dehumanize others and the values they stand for or believe in. Whether rooted in ignorance or prejudice, it often serves as a scapegoat for problems in society and a vent for jealousy, frustration and anger.
It can be overt, like Hitlers depiction of the Jews as big-nosed and cunning or covert, like many of the media images that denigrate women who are not Sex in the City types.
The primary way to fight stereotypes is to refrain from stereotyping ourselves.
If we become aware of how we label others who come from different backgrounds and cultures, if we avoid making generalizations based on false assumptions or faulty reasoning, then we can begin to reduce the negative effect that stereotyping has on all of us.
As Jews, we should not only look at how we speak about those who are outside of the Jewish tradition, but those who are within it as well. We must take care not to disparage Orthodox Jews just because we follow different traditions or none at all. We shouldnt belittle politically conservative Jews because we are more liberal, and vice-versa.
Each time we make prejudicial comments about others, we say more about ourselves than about those whom we are stereotyping.
SO what should Karen have done? What should any of us do when we encounter negative stereotyping?
We have to talk about it, loud and clear, because how we respond is critical for many reasons.
First, it lets others know that their actions are offensive.
Second, it provides us with an opportunity to explain more about Judaism and correct misconceptions that might exist.
Third, it gives us a chance to engage in building meaningful and honest relationships, which is the best way to fight stereotypes.
One by one, person to person, we can destroy misconceptions that have no basis in fact.
IF, like Karen, we find ourselves on the receiving end of a Jewish stereotype, it is our duty to inform the speaker that what she is saying is hurtful and wrong, reflecting intolerance and discrimination rather than fact. But we also have to avoid making insensitive comments ourselves.
Statements like I was gypped or that someone is an Indian giver are offensive to Gypsies and Native Americans no less than being Jewed down is offensive to Jews.
Ill admit that I have never quite felt the same about my friend who said she Jewed someone down. Even though I have tried to forgive and forget, there is something within me that holds back, and I have become more cautious with her. Perhaps it is because I know that behind her seemingly innocuous statement lies a kernel of what she believes is the truth.
Copyright © 2013 by the Intermountain Jewish News
