MARGARET BALLONOFF, a para-chaplain for Jewish Family Service since 2009, is refreshingly at ease in her own skin.
Grateful for the challenges and rewards inherent in volunteering, she radiates undeniable self-fulfillment.
The primary responsibility of a JFS para-chaplain is comforting the living, whether depressed, lonely, isolated, or desirous of a little Shabbat serenity or Chanukah cheer.
Most para-chaplains lead Jewish holiday and Shabbat services now.
But Ballonoff has taken on the most difficult position of all working with the dying at St. Joseph Hospital.
Relaxing in a vacant conference room at the JFS headquarters on Tamarac, Balonoff dismisses requests for exact dates.
Shes not interested.
Compared to her actual experiences, chronological specificities are irrelevant.
This engaging, thoughtful and animated woman is approaching her 70th birthday yet she could run mental laps around people two-thirds her age.
Marion Goldstein and [retired chaplain] Debra Flitter suggested that I should consider becoming a para-chaplain, Ballonoff recalls.
After some reflection, she agreed.
JFS Community Chaplain Rabbi Eliot Baskin brought an interesting texture to the training sessions, she says. When I shadowed him at the hospital, I saw that he intuitively knew what someone needed in the moment.
The first day Ballonoff walked alone through the halls of St. Joseph Hospital as a qualified para-chaplain, she wasnt the least bit nervous.
I was intrigued, she smiles. People told me their stories. I dont have to watch TV or read books anymore. They tell me things Ive never been privy to before. Its a window into their lives.
Flitter provided Ballonoff with a conceptual entry into a patients room: I cant do anything for your body, but how is your heart and soul?
Many are yearning to hear this question, while others are hesitant to talk about it, Ballonoff says now.
The only requirement you need going into this program is the capacity to be an active listener and Ive spent my whole life preparing for that.
Whether its a reciprocal conversation or a monologue, the subject matter often transcends the ordinary.
But theres no difference between being with a patient in the hospital and sitting across from someone at the kitchen table, Ballonoff says.
BALLONOFF SAYS she regularly begins her day at the hospital meditating in the chapel, especially if a person is in extremis. I ask for guidance, she says.
Later, it often feels like the words that come out of my mouth arent even mine.
And sometimes I have to wait and be quiet until inspiration comes to me.
A patient who has since passed away once told Ballonoff how she felt when Debra Flitter walked into her room: Its like G-d is coming here.
While never consciously attempting to emulate Flitter, Ballonoff exerts a similar effect on patients due to a natural receptivity born of that still small voice within her.
And Im amazed at how welcoming patients are, and how appreciative.
Ballonoff was born in Cleveland, Ohio, and moved to Denver with her husband in 1971.
An elementary school teacher for five years, she decided to stay home and raise a family. She also was a fitness and skiing instructor, which explains her youthful appearance.
Her spiritual adventures contribute to her multilayered fluency with the human soul.
Ballonoff says she has always been on a spiritual path that has directed my life. Im the ultimate seeker.
But it was a little bumpy getting here, she laughs. I studied with a Sufi master, took Korean yoga and explored other disciplines.
Asked where her spiritual wanderings have ultimately led her, she doesnt miss a beat.
Right here. I dont have to look anymore.
IN HER seven years as a para-chaplain, Ballonoff has never been present at a patients death but she meets with the families and holds a space for them to grieve in their own ways.
Im a stabilizing force, she says. Im not there to do anything except hold a hand or give them a hug. Theres not a lot of physical contact.
But one woman gripped my hand so tightly I thought it was going to come off. She just needed someone to ground her, and I was that person.
Ballonoffs encounters with terminally ill patients are at the heart of her work.
Like Jacob, these people may wrestle with angels, dread, demons, regrets, anger and doubts, depending on their attitude toward the inevitable.
One gentleman hes gone now was unsettled, Ballonoff says. He was convinced that he had done something wrong to die so early. He was only 50 and felt as if hed been cheated.
I basically asked him to close his eyes and breathe deeply. I reassured him that he had done nothing wrong. I said, We get exactly the time allotted to us, and then we exit stage left.
Ballonoff, who did not witness his death, found out that he passed away peacefully.
I was so glad that he had the time to hold court inside himself, she says. People at the end of life need all their strength for themselves.
Another man worried that he might not join his family and pets in the afterlife, which was very important to him.
People have their constructs of life after death, Ballonoff says, and I respect and support them.
The woman who compared Flitters presence to G-d walking in the room struggled because her family wanted her to stick around, she says.
So I encouraged her to reclaim her power: Decide what you want, and ask for that.
She was so relieved.
Ballonoff frequently practices relaxation techniques with the terminally ill.
I always tell them to breathe deeply, because connection to breath enables a closer relationship to the spirit-self.
DESPITE A pervasive fear of death in the US and other cultures, Ballonoff says its incorrect to assume that death is a preamble to finality.
How do we know that death is negative? she asks defiantly. It might be positive a continuation, a transition. Im really addressing a persons spirit when we talk.
Its about dealing with the spirit, not the bodily container that no longer serves its purpose.
After the death of family and friends, Ballonoff has sensed a lingering energy thats as tangible as the table in the conference room.
Does the human mind make that up? I dont know. But this is what I feel.
If you embrace your internal housekeeping and remove your fears before death, you can approach it in a very beautiful way.
People think death is a demon. I feel its all about removing your demons before you leave.
Is death perplexing? Yes. Sad? No.
Assignments for JFS para-chaplains are tailored to match the volunteers skill set.
All volunteers must commit time to lift the burdens of others through prayer or the personal touch on a regular basis.
Clearly, Ballonoffs responsibilities as a para-chaplain elevate her own spirit.
You can see it in her eyes, feel it in her warmth.
As much as I hopefully give these people, I learn so much more from them, she says.
Im amazed at the grace and acceptance with which they handle the cards theyve been dealt.
The gifts I receive are infinite. Each person I meet feeds my soul.
I am lavished by their presence, and their light.
And occasionally, someone even offers me a donut.
Andrea Jacobs may be reached at andrea@ijn.com.
Copyright © 2015 by the Intermountain Jewish News
