All those cozy candlelit Chanukah evenings can sometimes become a pressure upon families. Now that Chanukah often competes with the general holiday season of gift giving, that influence often bleeds into the Jewish communitys way of celebrating.
And while Christmas is only one day, Chanukah is eight!
So its a matter of eight times the pressure for gift expectations.
Of course, its hard not to become a bit cynical about all this gift giving, when returning gifts almost seems like a ritual itself. Whats the point of investing thought, time and money into getting a loved one a gift, when it will be making its way right back to the store?
But the pleasure of sharing the joy and ritual of gift giving to loved ones, as well as shared holiday rituals, experiences and traditions these moments are the stuff of life.
Yet, children with a sense of entitlement or a narcissistic sense of the world this is the last thing anyone wants.
So how can one maintain a sense of pleasure and joy about the holiday of Chanukah and its attendant gift giving, while keeping the children kind and humble?
Well, eight nights does not need to equal eight gifts. Or, at least, eight material gifts.
Eight nights are a wonderful opportunity to celebrate eight nights as a family unit, together. Little children have no clue about eight gifts for eight nights until the idea or expectation is planted in their heads.
Start them young on keeping the bar low, yet rich.
For example, make each night count as something special but it doesnt necessarily have to be about something commercial.
I once heard the following ditty as a guide: one-something fun, two-something for you, three-something free, four-help the poor, five-take a drive, six-watch a flick, and seven-bake something leavened. This practically does away with the gift giving altogether, making the essence of the holiday about family experiences together. A game night, a movie night, a cooking night, a mitzvah night, etc.
Then there is the well known guide in rhyme: a gift you need, a gift to read (that inscribed book, the unbeatable gift!), a gift to wear, a gift to share.
Even on the gift to wear night, it is an opportunity to give a garment that is necessary, perhaps a special occasion garment, or a cozy one like a bathrobe, pajamas or deliciously warm socks.
There is also the famous four plus four formula: four nights of giving and four nights of receiving. Another way to avoid the danger of gift overload.
Then there is always the idea of giving experiences rather than tangibles. For example, a certificate to be cashed in for, say, a breakfast with a parent, or an outing to a game, a hike, a ski day, or even a special tucking in at night. Anything that evokes the joy of small pleasures invites one-on-one parent-child time.
Imagine the scandalous idea: What if Chanukah simply returned to playing dreidel for pocket change; uniting with family in a carousel ride; skating, baking or reading; or even playing secret peanut, which in my childhood was similar to a white elephant gift exchange.
These more modest efforts will probably be long remembered, beyond all the torn wrapping paper and bows, long past midnight after the candles or oil lamps have flickered out, because those gifts will become Chanukah memories you bequeath to your children. The singing of Maoz Tzur, the aroma of a hot sizzling latke, shared memories of games, stories and family . . .
It all boils down to showering attention, time and love . . . now that gift, its priceless.
Copyright © 2015 by the Intermountain Jewish News
