WHEN I was growing up, money meant AUTHORITY. Dad made the money so he also made the decisions. Our family lived by the Golden Rule: He who has the gold, rules.
We were told at an early age that it wasnt polite to talk about money, but it sure seemed to be the subtext of most conversations.
What things cost, rising inflation, salaries, who drove what type of car, where people shopped and where to get the best deal were dinner table topics served along with the meatloaf and potatoes.
And back when dessert was a Good Humor Bar that cost a nickel, I knew that my family was definitely happier when we had more money, not less.
Its easy to make the leap from ice cream to world views, so I grew up thinking that money could make you happy. And until I began questioning my life and career choices in terms of my own happiness, I had no reason to doubt it.
Money is an all-powerful force influencing everything from global politics to interpersonal relationships. Our American culture is deeply consumer-oriented and for many, self-worth and identity are derived from what we earn, own, wear, buy and drive rather than from what we think, feel, give to or care about.
Money is both a means and an end to material goods as well as to emotions and feelings, such as peace of mind, pleasure, happiness and satisfaction.
Scientific research suggests that there is definitely a correlation between money and happiness, but only up to a certain point. Having money gives us a sense of emotional well-being because when we have enough to provide for our basic needs, we feel more secure and satisfied. Having what we need frees us up to make choices, to experience pleasure and leisure, and to use our time in ways not just related to survival.
But when material worth is the primary measure by which we assess our own value, we will rarely, if ever, be happy. Why?
Because, as human beings who live in community, we unconsciously compare ourselves to others. We make assumptions and judgments that others are happier, more successful, more loved based on what we think they have that we dont. Just like the movie, When Harry Met Sally, we think to ourselves: I want whatever she is having!
KEEPING up with the Goldbergs is definitely a lose-lose proposition. So is another human tendency that psychologists call hedonic adaptation. When we get something new, we love it for a while, but then get used to it. The new car or bedroom set becomes our new norm. Its just a matter of time until we want a bigger car or a larger home. Thats when the vicious cycle of not-enough and if only takes over.
We all do it to some degree. We look at our living room and think: If only we had a nicer home, wed entertain more. We book our summer vacation for a week at the beach and think: If only we had more money, we could go for two weeks.
The issue of being unhappy with what we have and always wanting more has been around since the beginning of time. Adam and Eve are a great example: G-d tells them they can eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden but the Tree of Knowledge and bingo, Eve goes straight for the apple from that tree.
Over 2,000 years ago, the rabbis dealt with this problem when they gave us this bit of wisdom: Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot.
How do we become happy with our lot?
Research suggests that when we spend money on meaningful experiences and on people we love rather than on tangible things and possessions, we tend to feel good about ourselves and the money we have.
Charitable giving, to people and organizations that we care about, also has a direct effect on our happiness. The emotional reward that we feel when we are able to make a difference, even a small one, often surpasses the temporary joy of buying something new.
This is supported by readings from MRIs. They indicate that giving money to charities actually stimulates brain activity in the regions of the brain where we experience feelings of pleasure and reward!
As Jews we are guided by the Torah, which gives us the blueprint for Jewish living. One of the key values in the Torah is tzedakah using our money and resources to help those in need.
The Jewish win-win is the mitzvah of giving, of our time, talents, resources and money. Not only does it make us happier but it improves the lives of others.
The beauty of the concept of tzedakah is in its absolute equality. No matter how much or how little we possess, each one of us has the potential to become a better person, and a happier person, when we use the money we have to make our world a better place.
Copyright © 2014 by the Intermountain Jewish News
