Thursday, March 28, 2024 -
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Inclusivity

By the time you read this, the holiday of Simchat Torah will have passed. So I suppose this will be more of a reflection for future Simchat Torahs.

But today, as I am working on refining our family’s stuffed cabbage legacy recipe which is traditional for Simchat Torah, I find I am thinking about the children.

Between getting the exact details of the recipe from my mother, who like her mother, used to layer on layer a tower of these cabbage rolls in concentric circles, all nestled up in a tall red pot, I got to thinking about the nature of Simchat Torah.

This festival is one big shul party. The heightened singing, the dancing, there is so much joy in the air.

In my circles the men dance separately from the women. Often the primary “show” so to speak is at the men’s section of the synagogue. Fathers swing their little ones on their shoulders, in ecstatic joy, as they circle the shul in fervent and passionate singing.

But what about all those children who may not have their father there with them?

What about children whose parents divorced, or for whatever reason are being raised by single moms, or were orphaned and lost their father? How painful must Simchat Torah be for these children?

It is understood how difficult this holiday might be for childless couples; seeing the family-centric nature of the holiday unfold in the public sphere in such an overt way.

While that must be murder, nonetheless we are talking about adults processing this. But what about the children?

In different circles or circumstances, this searing pain of feeling or being left out would apply to little girls whose mothers, for whatever reason, are absent.

We should do everything we can to mitigate a child’s pain of being different because they have one parent, or because only one parent is present.

This holiday of Simchat Torah is a good time to highlight this situation, so we can develop the awareness to be more inclusive on Simchat Torah — and throughout the rest of the year.

Each of us grownups should look out for children standing on the sidelines, whether it is because they might be more shy, or because they are Othered, not fitting into whatever model is at play, excluded.

Kol Ha-Nearim has always been such a moving and beautiful sight — all the children gathering under the tallis as “ha-malach ha-go’el” (“the redeeming angel”) is melodiously sung, suffused with the beautiful innocence that only children can bring. Here, all the children are included. But what about the remaining hakafot, the dancing?

We need to make children feel comfortable knowing they will be swung atop someone’s shoulders in shul, be it their parent or dear friend. Whatever it takes, we need to make every child feel a part of the Simchat Torah celebrations.

No child should feel left out of shul because the parent might not be present or living.

Better yet is to prevent such a situation from happening in the first place by making sure community members reach out to these families in advance of the holiday, in a reassuring way, so as to ensure kids feel comfortable, knowing in advance they will be part of the celebrations.

Perhaps there could be some kind of informal hakafah that is devoted to friendship and community, that ensures all kids will have someone looking out for them and dancing with them.

While a shul’s primary focus is the sanctuary dimension, there is no doubt that there is a very strong social component, too.

Simchat Torah is a good time to take stock and ask ourselves, how can we make shul a more inclusive experience for everyone who is a part of the community, especially for those who might be in more marginalized places than whatever the mainstream is at any given time or place?

It’s striking how inclusive the Torah directive to be joyous on this holiday is. “V’smachta be-chagecha ata u-bincha, u-bitcha, ve-avdecha, rejoice in your holiday, you and your son and your daughter and your servant etc.” The Torah goes on to mention a convert to Judaism, an orphan child, a widowed woman. In other words, true joy is inclusive joy.

Without integrating the differing elements of melody, rhythm and harmony, without all the different movements that make a symphony, there would be no music. The symphony of Sukkot is inclusivity — all the elements of community.

Most shuls by definitions are sanctuaries of the spirit, and also sanctuaries of compassion and kindness. The ecosystem of a shul aims to be considerate of everyone. Yet, inevitably there are the people who might feel othered or fall through the cracks; especially as it seems the pandemic isn’t going away any time too soon. For many people in the throes of communal life, the shul was a centerpiece of their lives, but now find themselves on the outskirts.

Now is as good a time as any to pay attention to this . . . starting with the children on Simchat Torah.

May it be a harbinger of much joy to come this year!

Copyright © 2021 by the Intermountain Jewish News



Tehilla Goldberg

IJN columnist | View from Central Park


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