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I control the United States’ economy

I control the United States’ economy.

This is not boasting.

Not delusional.

Not the ravings of an insane, messianic pretender.

This is not rocket science.

This is verifiable.

Remember all those debates betweeen Obama and Romney on the economy?

They were all a waste of time.

They should have come to me.

By the way, no one needs a degree in economics to understand what I’m saying. It’s as simple as 2+2=4. (Not, by the way, that you even need to know how to add to get my drift.)

Now that the election is over, the bigwigs in Washington are wasting their time again, this time on the “fiscal cliff.”

All this gnashing of teeth and partisanship, all these charges and counter-charges, all this talk about tax rates and the wealthy and the good old days of the Clinton presidency — really, there’s no point.

My method is so much more direct, clear, incontrovertible.

It’s not that I can explain the economic principles behind my method for controlling the economy. I can’t. It doesn’t matter. It’s action that counts. It’s causality. It’s action in real time. Do this — and you get a predictable result. That’s how I work. It doesn’t matter whether anyone can explain why.

Look at it this way. Person X researches all the odds, all the twists and turns, on how to win the lottery. Person Y just buys a ticket. Person X loses. Person Y wins. So what was all the research worth?

Or, take the recently concluded, infamous season of the University of Colorado football team. It’s a bunch of losers. What we need is not a ton of analysis on what went wrong. A bunch of bad (or young) players, a coach who didn’t know what he was doing (or, if you’re on his side, who didn’t know know what he was doing yet), and you get the predictable effect: losers.

The results are there for all to see. Losing all but one game the whole season. Losing games by margins of more than 50 points! No, this is not rocket science. It’s simply cause-and-effect. Incontrovertible.

That’s the closest analogy I can come up to explain my all powerful control over the US economy. Cause-and-effect. I make it happen.

I’ve done this a few times. You’d think the upper echelons in the Treasury Dept. or the the White House would have come to see me by now.

But they haven’t. I can’t explain why. It’s too bad.

Maimonides — not to drag spirituality into this, but the great sage did have a universal point when he said, Seek truth from whomever has it.

I’ve never been elected to political office, nor have I ever written about my economic prowess before. Even so, the factotums ought to consult me.

I’d show them.

I’d tell them exactly how I work.

As I say, I’ve done it before. This isn’t a one-time theory, an untested theory. In fact, it’s not a theory at all. It’s a method. It’s predictable. Verifiable. Sure-fire.

As sure the rising and the setting of the sun.

Believe me, my pocketbook knows the difference between failure and success.

My method comes down to one, simple act, reflected in one declarative sentence, by means of which I alter the course of the entire economy in this country:

Whenever I invest, the stock market loses betweeen 20% and 50% of its value within a week.

Well, OK, sometimes two weeks.

Never fails.

The best thing that President Obama or Speaker Boehner can do for the Dow, the unemployment rate, the housing market — the whole country — is to pay me not to invest.

That’s the best hedge against another economic downturn.

It’s the only way to let positive economic trends work themselves out, unblocked, unstifled, undefeated.

Guaranteed.

Copyright © 2012 by the Intermountain Jewish News



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IJN Executive Editor | [email protected]


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