There will soon be on the horizon the death of litigation. Remember our super-litigious society? Scratch it. It’s dust. In the dustbin of history. No one will be sued for damages because no damages will occur. Because, you see, human speech has met its end. Not only will we be free to be speechless; we will choose to be. For our own good. Otherwise, we will be sued, and who want’s that?
The American Law Institute is bringing this release from litigation to the land. Who would have thought? The venerable institute wishes to redraft the definition of “tort” to include “microaggressions.” These are words. Offensive words. Not blatantly offensive words like the classic, brutal, racist or anti-Semitic stereotypes. But words that I, little me, in my own individuality, find offensive. If I’m offended, I can sue, because you committed a tort against me. Simple, no?
Think we’re making this up? Here are examples of words and phrases — microaggressions — up for inclusion in the new definition of tort: “America is a melting pot.” “America is a land of opportunity.” “The most qualified person gets the job.” “Everyone can succeed in our society, if they work hard enough.” You get the idea. Since I didn’t get the job — and, of course, the only reason I didn’t get it was because of my race, my religion, my whatever — anything but my own inadequacies — the most qualified person didn’t get the job. I was the most qualified. It was racism that stopped me, or anti-Semitism. Obvious, no? So, whoever says, “The most qualified person gets the job,” has committed a microaggression against me. I can sue.
Go figure how to avoid that. There is only one way: speechlessness. Don’t talk. It’s the only protection. The only safe way to be among people. And it does marvelous things for our overburdened judiciary!
Don’t even bring up touching. The end of disease is at hand, at least contagious disease. No one is going to touch anyone anymore. That sympathetic tap on the shoulder? No more. It’s a tort. That gentle pat — watch out. It doesn’t even have to be abusive, just offensive. Lawyers will have a field day with this one — if they get a case. Don’t count on it. The speechless society will soon become the touchless society, too. Forget about love, affection, empathy or, horror of horrors, just plain fun. They’re gone. In the dust. No one wants to be sued for this most macro of microaggressions.
Janet Napolitano, now president of the University of California, is one of the key people getting the word out about microaggressions, about how terrible they are. They’re even worse than terrorism — a word Napolitano got rid of when she was Secretary of Homeland Security. We won’t talk about that anymore, either.
We must all have our identity. It’s in my religious garb, my skin, my national origin, my gender, my whatever, and I must protect it above and beyond my humanity. Oops. That’s another one of those microaggressions. As in, “all lives count.”
Copyright © 2015 by the Intermountain Jewish News
