WHEN asked what we can do as parents to bring up healthy, well-balanced children, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a world-renown pediatrician and child developmental specialist, responded with a simple but profound answer: We can teach them resilience.
When a child is afraid to fail, she is also afraid to risk, and that greatly inhibits her ability to succeed. Our children need to be willing to try and we have to be there to pick them up, dust them off and help them to try again when failure occurs.
Being resilient means having the ability to get back on the horse, to recover from the possibility of failure every time we try something new, difficult or unknown. Without it, not only do we fail to live our lives but we fail to thrive as well.
Which is all well and good but as a parent I wonder: Can I really teach my son fortitude and my daughter inner strength? Are these qualities something you learn like math or science or are you born with them?
I dont have Dr. Brazeltons credentials (although please dont tell my psychiatrist husband that since Im always dispensing medical advice!), but I think what hes talking about is very close to a concept that lies at the heart of Jewish thinking a five letter word called faith.
The word faith in Hebrew (emuna) is also translated to mean belief. Having faith means that we believe and trust that there is a greater order to the world although we may not be able to perceive or understand it. It means that when bad things happen, when we try our best but dont succeed, when we have terrible disappointments and losses, we keep on going because we believe that somehow, in the end, it will all work out.
Faith gives us a sense of hope in a world which is not always fair, good or just. It helps us respond to the chaos in our lives and to events that make no sense, like the death of a child or acts of terrorism. It is the basis of an inner buoyancy that keeps us afloat when we are ready to sink. It is also at the heart of our will and determination to live, because we know deep within, that our life matters.
Yet many people struggle with the concept of faith because it is not based on what we know factually but on what we understand intuitively, emotionally and spiritually. Some view faith as overly simplistic and anti-intellectual because it requires us to accept things that cannot be seen or proven, like G-d.
But having faith does not necessarily mean that we believe G-d exists the same way we believe a tree or a chair does. It does not mean that we know with certainty what G-d is or that we dont have doubts or struggle with the G-d-concept. In fact, to question is at the heart of the Jewish tradition. For it is in the questioning and challenging of our faith that we often find a deeper and more genuine way of thinking, believing and living out our lives.
THE beauty of having faith is that it permits us to be in a relationship with the Divine without having to know with certainty what the Divine is. And in this way, even at the worst of times or in our darkest hours, we are never truly alone.
Resilience is key in countering lifes failures and disappointments and there is no better way to teach resilience than by modeling resilience ourselves. The way we respond to our own physical, emotional, social and financial failures and disappointments will set the stage for our children when they face challenges of their own.
A recipe of resilience and faith is a winning combination. It assures us that life goes on and that recovery is possible, regardless of how difficult things may seem at the time. And it give us a sense that even though there are some things we will never understand, there is a larger order to the world and we have the power to do what we need to in order to survive.
Copyright © 2010 by the Intermountain Jewish News
