Dear Tzviling,
First, the good news. Mazel Tov! My daughter is engaged to be married.
And now, the “bad” news.
I’m going meshhuga! [I’m a nervous wreck!]
The chasunah [wedding] is taking place next month and I was up a whole night trying to make seating arrangements. Oy, what a mess.
I’m ready to plotz! [I feel like I’m going to explode.]
Help!
Chanchie (Boro Park)
Dear Chanchie,
Mazel Tov on your daughter’s upcoming chasunah.
The good news is you are not alone.
And you’re not going to plotz.
Many parents experience PSS [Pre-chuppah Stress Syndrome.]
It typically goes away after the chasunah, especially after all the bills are paid.
Why not forget about seating arrangements?
Let everyone sit where they want.
End of problem!
Now you can get some sleep.
Dear Tzviling,
Your solution was quite farklempt [closed minded].
My husband says we must provide arranged seating at the chasunah. He does not want to break with tradition.
The chasunah is in less than three weeks.
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie.
Aha, we get it.
Why not make every table the same number? Put everyone on Table 1 — and voila, problem solved. All your guests become #1, your husband is happy, and you get your well deserved sleep.
Dear Tzviling,
The chasunah is exactly two weeks away.
I have all the honors under the chuppah designated, and my husband just informed me that his second cousin’s nephew — the maven [expert], needs to be honored with something special. What can I give him?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
Give him the honor of making the seating arrangements.
Dear Tzviling,
I have another quick question.
Some people are concerned the music will be too loud and want me to hand out ear plugs. Tell me, who pays for the ear plugs? The chosson’s side? The kallah’s side?
Only 10 days until the chasuna.
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
The musicians should pay for the ear plugs.
Dear Tzviling,
Can you believe it?
The chasunah is one week from tonight.
My shviger [mother-in-law] wants to know if it is appropriate to bring her dog to the reception. She feels her dog is very spiritual and would appreciate it. What do you think?
Would her dog enjoy the ceremony?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
How should we know?
We never met her dog.
Dear Tzviling,
Ha, Ha. Very funny.
Seriously, what do I tell my shviger?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
Tell her you will bring her a doggy bag from the chasunah.
Dear Tzviling,
Thank you so much for all your help. The chasunah is in three days and I have one more question (for now). I sent out 625 invitations and received only 213 confirmed replies. How do I know how many people to prepare for?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
Check with your caterer. They will know.
Dear Tzviling,
And if extra people show up, where do I place them?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
On Table #2.
Dear Tzviling,
But all tables will be number one. There is no table two.
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
My point, exactly.
Dear Tzviling,
Very funny! Seriously, who can help me with this?
Chanchie
Dear Chanchie,
Your husband’s second cousin’s nephew — the maven.
Dear Tzviling,
Mazel Tov! The chasunah was last night. It was beautiful, but there is so much food left over. What do I do with it?
Chanchie
Dear Tzviling,
Give it to your shviger. Her dog will love it. Just kidding. You can give it to Tomchei Shabbos [food bank for the needy].
SEND your questions to [email protected] to be answered with wit, wisdom and humor by identical twins Rabbis Yisroel Engel (Denver) and Shloime Engel (Montreal) who share their combined 100 years of experience.
Copyright © 2013 by the Intermountain Jewish News
