THE shock, horror, anger and grief generated by an event such as last weeks school shooting in Connecticut is grueling enough for parents to cope with.
But what about the children?
In an age of instant and ongoing news reports, Internet updates and social media connectivity, its next to impossible for anyone today including children to avoid exposure to tragic and horrific events such as occurred on Dec. 14 at Shady Hook Elementary.
In Denver geographically distant from the scene of the tragedy but virtually next door in terms of electronic media school administrators and counselors sought this week to help parents have some control over what material their children are exposed to and, much more important, how to translate that information.
ON Monday, three days after the shooting, Denver Jewish Day School Head of School Avi Halzel was not only working to enhance and review the schools security procedures including taking understandably unspecified extra precautions but to advise teachers about how to best support students at this time in an age appropriate way.
The first priority, Halzel explained in an email to the IJN, is to maintain structure and routine for the children.
They want to know that their world hasnt changed. Schools should plan for and give most students a normal school day.
Secondly, DJDS teachers were told to respect parents wishes related to discussing the shooting with children.
Some parents have talked to their children about the shooting while others have not, Halzel wrote. Either way, staff should be sensitive and receptive to students who want to talk about what happened in Connecticut.
Read also Andrea Jacobs’ “After Newtown: Holes and hope in the mental health system“
The school is leaving it up to teachers to decide the time and place to hold such discussions, and what language to use, based on the students age, emotional state and developmental level.
When in doubt, teachers and other adults were advised to speak with Lower School Head Susan Resnick or school counselor Susan Klein.
If you choose to discuss recent events with children, Halzel continued, they need adults to discuss it in a calm and even manner. Keep in mind that kids take their cues from adults. If adults are nervous or calm as they talk, children will pick up on that and tend to feel the same way.
Students who are in need of extra attention regarding the Connecticut tragedy should be given precisely that, Halzel also advised his teachers. We want to identify and be responsive to students who need a little more support.
THE Jewish Family Service also issued an advisory this week, geared to parents in general, to help them cope with their childrens reactions to the tragedy.
The Connecticut school shooting was especially painful because of the loss of so many innocent, young children, the JFS release stated. Our own children are paying attention some of them might be struggling with trauma, anxiety, and fear.
A series of tips from JFS mental health and community services director Stacey Weisberg focused on practical everyday steps for parents to take.
Parents were advised not to allow older children to watch news about the shooting repeatedly or continuously.
They dont need to see such graphic images that will likely continue to play over and over in their heads, Weisberg wrote.
The JFS encouraged parents to speak to their children, and to allow them to express their feelings.
Dont assume you know how they feel. They might be afraid or just curious. If they are afraid, ask what they are afraid of. Let them know that youre going to protect them, theyre safe, Colorado is safe, and this was a rare event.
Younger children need special encouragement that such an event isnt happening to them and wont happen to them.
Parents may feel like theyre lying, since no one can ever be 100% sure of what the future holds, the JFS advisory stated, but probability estimates are not something small kids can grasp, and wont comfort them.
Weisberg offered the same advice as Halzel about maintaining a normal routine in the household, recommending that children play, eat meals and go to school in their normal times and ways.
Establish a bedtime ritual for kids if you didnt have one before, such as say a prayer together. Its okay for kids to sleep with a favorite stuffed animal.
Its okay to children to be clingy, according to Weisberg, or to want to stay close to their parents. Its also to be expected that nightmares and bedwetting might occur with younger children in the wake of such an event.
Regarding older children, adults are encouraged to join their conversations about the tragedy and to share their own feelings about them, reminding youths that such feelings as sadness and fear are normal.
Use it as a teaching moment, Weisberg advised. Talking about bad things can lead to discussions about how to help others, and gives parents an opportunity to model compassion.
The JFS Counseling Center encourages parents with questions related both to their childrens and their own reactions to the tragedy to contact their office at ?303-597-7777.
Copyright © 2012 by the Intermountain Jewish News
