Intermountain Jewish News

RIVKA Alter swoops through the front door and apologizes for a glitch in her tightly coordinated schedule. “I have to take the kids to BMH-BJ but I’ll be right back. Would you like some coffee? It will only take a second. Splenda or sugar? Is it light enough? OK, back in two minutes!”

In Alter’s multitasking wake, the house seems unnaturally quiet. The living room is exceptionally neat and guest-appropriate –– no easy feat for a family of eight (two adults, six children). A washing machine cycles unseen.

True to her word, Alter returns in record time. “I’m so sorry,” she repeats. “Usually things run smoothly but today is an exception.”

The wife, mother, rebbetzin (“I’m uncomfortable with the title –– I like Rivka”), Judaic and math teacher at DAT, doctoral candidate and former accountant agrees the kitchen would be a good place to talk.

With an unerring sense of what goes where, she swiftly cleans off the table and occupies a chair. A decorative “bling” sparkles on the headband framing her shaitel. Her nails are plum-colored.

“Yes, those are my challahs,” she says, referring to several loaves wrapped in aluminum foil on the stove. “I made some last night and didn’t want to wait up to let them cool. I usually make a big batch that lasts for a couple of weeks, but the holidays drained my reserves.”

This morning, Rabbi Daniel Alter, whom she married in 1997, is at DAT, where he is head of school. The kids –– Yehuda, on the far side of 11, Shimmy, 10, Talya, 8, Elisha, six, Ezra, three, and Avigail, 10 months –– are either in school or at daycare.

Although Rivka’s teaching schedule at DAT is flexible, one senses that enjoying a lengthy conversation around the breakfast table isn’t a normal part of the routine.

Raising six children “is daunting,” she admits. “It has its moments. Some nights I can’t wait to get them all in bed. But it’s also very rewarding. It’s not a piece of cake. Thank G-d they’re good kids.”

While balancing family, job and social responsibilities can be very demanding, this modern Orthodox woman feels she benefits from the mix.

“I think it makes me more organized when there’s a lot going on,” she says.

“The busier I am, the more productive I am. I don’t like surprises. If I know what my day is going to be like, I can get through it. Anything is doable.

“And there are moments of relaxation in between –– until the next craziness. Things come in waves. Some weeks are crazier than others. But in the end, it’s very worthwhile.”

Now starting the dissertation stage for her PhD in education for Yeshiva University’s Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration, Alter will investigate curriculum-based measures.

Alter says her husband is the one who encouraged her to pursue the degree.

“I probably would not have progressed as far as I have without Daniel,” she says. “He’s really into it.”

To the casual observer, Rabbi Alter has an unmistakable air of intensity about him. He’s always on point; poised to address any issue.

“Yes, he can be intense,” Rivka smiles. “But he’s also very laid back. We both are. We don’t sit around analyzing our relationship. Life’s busy. You just kind of go with it.”

The family moved to Denver in 2000, when EDOS hired Rabbi Alter as its spiritual leader. “We were the youngest by far in Denver’s modern Orthodox rabbinical community,” Rivka says.

In 2006, Rabbi Alter joined DAT, which attracts longtime Denverites as well as youthful families putting down fresh roots in the area.

“Now we’re the old timers,” she says of the DAT scene. “We’re definitely not the young ones anymore.

“Me? I’m 36,” she adds without the slightest hesitation. “I’m not really old.”

Her bare face is radiant; her laughter, uncensored.

RAISED in an observant home in Englewood, NJ, Rivka Carmel grew up surrounded by faith and familiarity –– but later pushed the envelope of traditional expectations.

“I was brought up in a very insular setting,” she says. “I didn’t have non-Jewish friends or even friends who weren’t Orthodox. I mean, you didn’t even talk to kids who weren’t in your grade back then.”

When she enrolled in college, she opted for accounting, a serious vocation with practical applications.

After receiving her degree from the Sy Syms School of Business at YU, she started working for Arthur Andersen in New York.

“And no, I did not have Enron as my client,” she jokes.

The job offered what she describes as “prolonged exposure to all types of people. The New York office was full of Jewish accountants, but not that many religious ones.

“I didn’t even have an English name. But Rivka turned out to be a great conversation starter.”

She says her co-workers constantly asked questions about her Torah-observant orientation, and she was happy to provide a little insight.

Her colleagues were also vicariously introduced to the shidduch dating scene. “My dates were set up,” she explains. “I wasn’t going to happy hour to meet people!”

An arranged date with rabbinic intern Daniel Alter led to the chuppah. After the birth of their first child Yehuda, Rivka quit her two-and-a-half-year job at the accounting firm.

She has discovered that modern Orthodoxy “means so many different things to so many different people,” she reflects.

“For example, I tell you that I’m modern Orthodox. But if I introduce you to other people who are modern Orthodox they might not look the same as me, they might not talk the same or have an identical lifestyle.

“And I think modern Orthodoxy gets a bad rap for that. People assume that ‘modern’ is more important  –– if I can be modern and somehow manage to fit ‘Orthodox’ into my view of the world, then great.